Leaving Your Old Life Behind
“Marie Kondo isn’t crazy.”
Before you start this stage of the process, watch an episode or two of Marie Kondo on Netflix and take her message to heart. Paraphrase “Does it spark joy?” to “Does it fit in my shipping allowance?”
What to take? Teachers tell their stories in this long thread on this exact question.
Downsize - Do Not Ship Junk Overseas
Imagine Marley (Christmas Carol) dragging behind him “the chains he forged in life” and get rid of your junk now as opposed to when you’re dead. Take this golden opportunity to lighten your load.
I recently helped a friend move, and the 24 boxes in her attic had not been touched in so long some had mildewed and she’d forgotten what was in the rest. Nobody had needed them in three decades; try to avoid this error.
Go through every item in your life and ask yourself:
1. Do I use or wear this item regularly?
2. Is this item available in my new country? Avail yourself of the teacher garage sale and confirm what exactly is included in your furnished housing. Then decide what to bring.
3. Run the numbers and work out whether storing the item for two years is cheaper than buying new or used upon return, which is unlikely.
Typical 10 X 10 storage units run in the $100 per month range; that’s about $2,500 for your two-year stint. Is the item worth it? And by the way, your family may not be happy to have your stuff in their basement or garage.
Decision Time
If you have issues with discarding, have a friend or family member work through the process with you, someone merciless. This link takes you to the blog of a trailing spouse in India; pay particular attention to his advice in #3 Make A List.
Now divide your belonging into three categories:
1. To the dump. Remind me why I still have this?
2. Recycle, gift or loan to friends. It could make someone else’s life happier.
3. Take with you on the plane or ship overseas, even if you have to pay out of pocket. The item is that important.
Housing Issues Before You Move Overseas
“Never let a short term desire get in the way of a long term goal. - Curtis Martin”
Renters
Give your landlord proper notice and begin the downsizing process. You will no doubt need to stay those last few days with family/friend at the end. Or maybe you can work a deal with your landlord to stay until you head off to the airport, although the logistics probably won’t work.
Be sure the landlord has your forwarding address or local contact and make arrangements for the deposit return; PayPal works great. I’d also suggest going through the unit and filling out the checkout form together with the landlord in person and take pictures. This means less chance of getting stiffed.
Home owners
When we went to Vienna in 1988, I wish we had kept our house and rented it out. We sold it for $106,000, and during the 24 months we were gone, prices shot up 1% per month. We needed the cash for the move (Lesson: stay liquid) and thought we were not coming back the the US (Lesson: don’t close off any options.)
Sell or keep? Now there’s the question and it’s a big one. However, given the way house prices have been exploding, I would strongly advise keeping your house if at all possible. But some considerations, as landlording is not for everyone:
Will you stay overseas the rest of your life or do you plan to return to your home country someday?
Do you have a reliable, trustworthy agent to manage the property?
Are you comfortable with tenants possibly trashing your beloved home?
Do you have what it takes to be a landlord? Are you prepared to do the work and tolerate the stress?
Do you have cash reserves in the bank to cover unexpected expenses or vacancies?
Home Country Issues While You’re Overseas
Support Back Home
Identify a person you can truly trust, meaning someone responsible who won’t screw up, someone honest enough to have Limited Power Of Attorney and access to your money. A hundred little issues will inevitably pop up in the transition period. More on this in Money later.
Who you gonna call? If you do not have anyone like that in your life, you’ll have to hire people. With online banking and instant communication, you might still be able to manage things. But your overseas life will be a lot easier if someone has your back at home.
Car
If you decide to keep your car, a reliable somebody needs keys to run it around the block once a month or so. Set up auto-deducts and do not cancel the insurance. Finally add up the insurance and monthly payments. Compare these costs to the expense of renting a car for the summer.
You’ll almost certainly need a vehicle if you come home for the summer, so decide if it’s worth the expense and trouble to keep your current vehicle. This might be cost-effective if the car is reliable and paid for.
Retain a US address, a family member, for instance. Some present and future financial transactions are difficult, or even impossible, without one.
Confirm with the school/consulate how or if you might receive actual mail, if absolutely necessary. Mail will probably need to come through the school office. In Russia it had to come through the Embassy in Finland.
Keep track for the next few months and see if anything crucial lands in your mailbox. Better yet, sign up for online notifications and access, meaning go paperless.
Double check on delivery of packages, which will cost you extra postage and time. Remember customs duties and reliability.
Goodbyes
Friends and family are going to want closure and a chance to say goodbye in person. You jumping off a cliff like this is vicariously exciting, plus your departure is a chance for a really memorable party.
Please be aware that those left behind may feel one of two ways. They may
be jealous and feel their own lives pale in comparison to your adventure; they may even feel an unspoken criticism of their lifestyle choices. Just remind them they have a tour guide and free lodging when they visit. Besides, living an adventure vicariously is a lot less stress.
think you’re nuts. The ones who think you’re nuts are happy for you, but literally cannot understand why you would do such a thing. What’s wrong with staying in Portland instead of going to Poland? Just reassure them you’re just the restless sort and nothing is wrong with staying put; you’ll rely on them to keep you grounded.
On The Plane Overseas
“There are few places you can find silence. Air travel could be the last fortress of solitude. - Regina Brett”
Cultural Prep Work
I suggest that you assemble a list of books to read, movies to watch, and blogs to follow about your new country. Just Google such a list for Vienna, for instance, and crank up the Strauss waltzes to get in the mood. You will never be a native in this new country, but one of the best ways to get inside the culture is literature, art, and research.
Lucky there’s a translation on this sign.
There is no reason to be a cultural illiterate either when you arrive. For instance, if a Russian asks your salary, it’s rude not to answer. A Thai would be horrified if you said something negative about the king; it is also in fact actually illegal.
If you can, try to locate one of the CultureShock book series or similar. Learn how to puzzle out street signs and speak basic politeness phrases: hello, thank you, how much is? goodbye.
Yes, you are jumping off a cliff, but don’t jump without a parachute. Do your homework, make yourself a good guest and avoid unforced social errors.
Packing
1. Check airline baggage regulations. Carry on sizes have changed and you might need to buy new luggage. Here is a good roundup of the difference between personal item and carry on, plus recommendations.
Six weeks until your stuff arrives!
2. Confirm how many pounds and bags you can ship with you and the cost. Consider duffle bags, since they fold up to nothing. Remember that if you have a shipment coming later, you need to survive for six weeks on what you bring with you. That, or buy on arrival.
3. Decide what is important enough that you must hand carry; you can always buy another toothbrush. But without these items, you’d be would seriously inconvenienced.
Electronics
External hard drive
Chargers and adapter
Passport with work visa
Important documents like birth certificates
Credit and debit cards
Phone
How to know where you put your passport. (You won’t actually be transparent.)
4. Pre-pack and weigh your carry on. Here is Amanda’s very experienced advice on bag choice, packing light, and luggage for small children. I also like the SCOTTeVEST which looks dorky but helps prevent travel frazzle. Practice accessing passport and phone and be rigid on putting stuff away the same place every time. Reduces the stress.
Flying
Unless you can afford to upgrade to Business or First Class (ha!), you will be jammed into steerage. Oh well. This is an opportunity for meditation and relaxation; after all, you are on found time and all the crazy-busy hard work has been done. You are a leaf floating on a stream in full flood.
Strategies
Plenty has been written about long-distance flying, but here are the basics:
One of the most thoughtful going-away gifts we ever received was a little package for our pre-teen kids: treats, small games, and puzzle books to keep them sane on the long flight.
Hydrate and avoid lots of alcohol
Try to sleep. Melatonin may help and consider asking your doctor for a prescription.
Act as if you are in your future time zone, meaning sleep if it is nighttime in your new home country.
Move around and stretch as much as possible.
Children? Pack a little surprise kit full of distractions. More on this later, but you and your kids will become closer, so start now with real interaction, not digital distraction.
Babies and toddlers? Stick to their routine, provide something to suck or chew for ear-popping on takeoff and landing, and don’t forget their comfort items.
One door closes and another opens.
Arrival
Stagger off the plane and double-check that you haven’t left anything behind. Then go through Immigration. Prepare for long lines and stern-faced staff. It’s not personal.
Next is Customs for your luggage. You shouldn’t have any trouble if you followed instructions. You should be met at the airport by a representative of the school, possibly even your principal or the head of school. A van will probably take you, your new colleagues, and your luggage on the first stage of your adventure.
You’re not in Kansas anymore. Welcome to your future.
First Week
First 24 Hours
Depending on what time it is, you may all go out to eat somewhere, to the school for a tour, or directly to a hotel or your assigned housing to sleep. Or all of the above.
Orientation
Typically the school will have an orientation procedure and people in charge. The most important of these people is your mentor/mother hen/team leader/savior.
This person is the one to untangle the mysteries, herd your cohort through the subway, take you shopping for coffee makers, and provide reassurance in a thousand ways. I will always think fondly and gratefully of Patrick in Moscow and Frank in Vienna.
If you have children with you, the school should help getting them sorted with activities or babysitting. You’ll have time to set up your classroom before the returning teachers arrive, plus social events and outings and practical errands.
You have two other crucial tasks:
1) Bond with your mates
2) Set up your household
Bonding
By this time you will meet your future colleagues, who were probably on the same flight. I met Ann in the PDX airport on the way to Moscow, and we survived the 16-hour flight to Moscow with a plane full of crazed Armenian-American teens on a trip to the homeland. We’ve been friends ever since.
Guess what country we were in?
This is your cohort and over the next days and weeks, you will and should bond and support each other. If you’ve played a sports team or gone through Basic Training, you have experienced this deep bonding.
You will be spending a lot of time together and grow to depend on each other. Remember how often I’ve told you that you’re moving to a small town? If you stay on the international school circuit, you will bump into these people repeatedly.
But for now, congratulate yourself on this accomplishment. Your old life is in the rear view mirror. The next step is to set up housekeeping.